Newton Rules!
by RockSunner
Summary: What will happen when Phineas and Ferb decide to change the laws of cartoon physics that govern their world? All characters belong to Disney, not me.
1. Chapter 1

**Newton Rules**

What will happen when Phineas and Ferb decide to change the laws of cartoon physics that govern their world? All characters belong to Disney, not me.

**Chapter One**

Phineas and Ferb were sitting under their backyard tree when Baljeet came wandering in, his nose in a book.

"What's up, Baljeet?" asked Phineas.

"I am studying for a physics examination," said Baljeet.

"For when summer is over?" Phineas said. "That will be a long time."

"Preparation is the key to difficult subjects," said Baljeet.

"Should be easy for you," said Phineas. "All math, right?"

"It should be," said Baljeet with a sigh. "But alas, there are exceptions. For example, Isaac Newton said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. But according to the discoveries of Hannah, and Barbera, the needs of human comedy and drama can override the the rules. What if they give me a problem on the exam to compare the rebounding motion of a rubber ball with that of a cowardly but loveable Great Dane? How I wish everything were simple and mathematical!"

Ferb nodded and clicked his tongue.

Phineas grinned. "Ferb, I know what we're going to do today! Hey... where's Perry?"

Perry the Platypus had slipped away down the house-side tube to his secret lair.

Major Monogram was on the screen. "Agent P, we have reports that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has stolen all the wigs in the Tri-State Area. He must be up to something evil. Your orders are to... stop him. Monogram out."

Perry saluted.

Carl's voice came from the background, "Hey, don't I get to talk this time?"

Monogram said, "This is my screen and I think you're getting too much of the attention."

Carl said, "Well, its my camera and I can control where it's pointing."

"Don't you dare!" said Monogram.

The screen showed a huge close-up of Carl, followed by a wild spinning view and sounds of a struggle, but Perry had already left.

Back in the yard, Phineas and Ferb were busy making diagrams of parabolas and writing equations with the help of Baljeet.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro came over. "Hi Phineas. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas said, "We've going to strengthen the laws of physics."

Isabella said, "Cool! But... what do you mean by that?"

Phineas said, "Allow me to explain, in song."

_**Hyperphysics**_

_Have you ever noticed_

_When you step off a wall_

_If you don't look down_

_Then you will never fall?_

_Just imagine if that were not true,_

_If the law of gravity did not depend on you._

_Hyperphysics!_

_A world of laws_

_Where effects all match their cause._

_With no dramatic escape clause._

_We want to do it. Just... because._

_Have you noticed_

_When things fall from the air_

_Objects always_

_Land so neat and square?_

_Don't you think that_

_It would be more fair_

_If objects landed as if they didn't care?_

_Hyperphysics!_

_A world of laws_

_Where effects all match their cause._

_Physics will function without a pause._

_We want to do it. Just... because._

While the song was going on, Ferb put together a small black box with a red button on top and signaled to the others with a thumb's up.

Candice had come out into the yard during the song. She pointed to one of the equations on the board. "'F = ma'. Is this going to hurt Mom somehow?"

"That is a force equation. It says that it takes a great deal of force to accelerate a large object in a short period of time," Baljeet explained.

"And you guys are going to change things so that's always true? Heheheheh. Bring it on," said Candace.

"You'd like that?" Phineas asked.

That's my kind of world, where ginormous things can't just disappear in a second like they always do," said Candace. "I'll finally be able to bust you!"

Ferb pushed the button, and a wave of energy spread out from the machine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated_

Perry arrived and kicked open the door.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, "Ah, Perry the Platypus. How completely discombobulating. And by discombobulating I mean..."

A wave of energy passed through the room.

"What was that? It made me lose my train of thought. Anyway, time for the trap!"

He pressed a button on the the wall and a cage fell down. It missed Perry by about a foot and flopped over on its side.

"What? It wasn't supposed to fall like that. How embarrassing!" said Doofenshmirtz.

Perry leaped at him. He only went a short distance and rolled until he was near the mad scientist's feet.

"Now it's your turn to be embarrassed, Perry the Platypus. That was a pathetic leap. You should have been able to knock me off my feet," said Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenchmirtz ran over to the cage and tried to push it over on top of Perry. "Norm! Help me trap Perry the Platypus."

"Sorry Sir, but for some reason my squirrel wheel is not supplying me with sufficient energy to move. In fact, I'm surprised I can taaaaalk," said Norm, running out of power.

Perry tried leaping again and failed. Since his regular combat moves weren't working, he ran at Doofenshimitz on all fours, intending to bite him on the ankle.

Doofenshmirtz managed to push the cage over on top of Perry with a grunt. "Ooh, that was heavy. Now, let me explain my evil plan. Behold... the Hair Remove-inator!"

He unveiled a giant machine. "This device will emit a ray that will make the hair fall out of everyone in the Tri-State Area. Then I'll be able to sell them wigs and make buckets of money. That's not all. I have implanted mind-control devices in the wigs. Once everyone is wearing one, I can push this green button (next to the red self-destruct button) and take over the Tri-State Area!"

He flipped a switch and a fuse blew, plunging the room into darkness.

"What's going on?" asked Doofenshmirtz. "This just isn't my day."

Perry chittered his agreement.

Back at the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, Isabella assembled the Fireside Girls to test the new physics.

"Let's try an easy stunt," she said. "Everyone jump up and form a pyramid, on three. One, two, three!"

The girls collided with each other and landed in a heap.

"Well, that was different," said Isaballa.

"It looked sort of fun," said Phineas.

"It sort of hurt, too," said Adyson.

"You must get used to the new momentum," said Baljeet. "Leaping will be limited. On the other hand, sudden stops will be more difficult."

Behind his back, Buford sneaked up and yelled, "Boo!"

Baljeet gave a little start of surprise.

"Huh?" Buford said. "Usually I could have made you jump all the way up into that tree."

"Being scared imparts very little momentum," said Baljeet.

"How about being punched?" asked Buford. "But first, let me fuel up my 'mementum' with a bag of jelly beans."

He pulled out a large bag of candy and tried to swallow it in one gulp. He couldn't get them down and started choking. Baljeet gave Buford the Heimlich maneuver and he spit them up.

"You saved my life," said Buford. "According to the Bully Code, that makes me your slave."

"Not again!" said Baljeet. "And how can I dare to risk my life now that everything is more dangerous?"

Candace was holding her head in her hands. "Forget that. Why does my neck hurt so much?"

"An unintended consequence of the laws of physics," said Baljeet. "Your long and thin neck is having difficulty holding up your head."

"Arrgh! You guys are so busted!" Candace yelled.

She got out her cell phone. "Mom! Phineas and Ferb are giving me a pain in the neck!"

Her mother answered, "As usual. What is it this time, Candace?"

"Come back here right away and I'll show you," said Candace.

"I haven't gone out," said Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. "I was going to, but I heard on the news there are an unusual number of traffic accidents just now. I'll be right there."

"Yes!" said Candace, gesturing with her fists. "Ooow!" She put her head back in her hands.

Phineas said to Ferb, "Since this is hurting Candace we'd better turn it off."

Ferb pushed the button.

Click. Nothing happened.

"It's not working," said Phineas.

Their mother came into the backyard. "So, what do you have to show me, Candace?"

Candace pointed to the box with the button. "They invented that thing, and it changed the laws of physics, and now my neck hurts because it's too long."

Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher took a look a the box. "What is that, boys? What does it do?"

"Nothing," said Phineas sadly. "It doesn't do anything."

"Just as I thought," said their mother. "Candace, I'm sorry if your neck is hurting but I'm sure the boys had nothing to do with it. Who wants pie?"

"Not right now, Mom, thanks," said Phineas.

"All right, let me know if you want some later," said Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, going back inside.

"What will we do now?" asked Isabella.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Baljeet said, "You cannot contravene the laws of physics from within the field. The only chance is to get outside it before it spreads over the entire world."

Phineas asked, "How fast will we have to go?"

Baljeet pulled out a calculator and muttered to himself. Then he said, "The spread of the field will have slowed down a bit now that the radius has increased. But you will still need to travel at least 50 miles per hour on the most direct path you can from the center of the starting point to catch up with it."

Phineas said, "I know! We'll convert Mom's car back into a race car and drive it by remote control."

Isabella said, "I wouldn't count on any of your inventions working right now. They're all sort of... impossible, when you think about the laws of physics."

Phineas said, "Then what can we do? We're too young to drive a regular car."

Candace said, "It's my neck on the line. I'll drive."

"Candace! Thanks," said Phineas.

"Don't," said Candace. "You're going to be so busted once this is over."

Ferb went into the garage and came back with two poles with padded gloves on the ends. Phineas and Ferb got into the back seat of the car. Candace got the car keys from inside the house and got into the driver's seat.

"What are the sticks for?" she asked.

Phineas and Ferb used the gloved poles to support both sides of her head.

"Oh," she said, and started the car.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus was working the wire mesh on the side of his cage back and forth with his teeth while Dr. Doofenshmirtz stumbled around in the dark trying to find things.<p>

Doofenshmirtz said, "I can still make my plan work, with less power consumption, by using old-fashioned methods. All I need is my old catapult from Gimmelshtump. I'd tell you all about it, but it's a long story and too dark for a good flashback."

He dragged and pushed the catapult to the sliding door to the porch and opened the curtains. "Hey, it's daylight outside! Why didn't I think of that before? Oh well. Now to load up all the wigs into the bucket. I'll shoot them all over the Tri-State area. People will try them on, out of sheer curiosity, and then I'll use the mind controller on them. That shouldn't take too much electricity."

Perry continued to work the mesh back and forth. The metal wasn't designed for such repeated stress and it was beginning to give way.

* * *

><p>Candace raced the car along the most direct path she could, running stoplights and dodging other cars.<p>

"Hey, this is fun," said Phineas.

"No it isn't," she said. "If we have an accident we could really get hurt. There's nothing to protect us, to make it into a narrow escape or funny minor injuries."

Ferb nodded. He pulled out a map and pointed out their path.

Phineas said, "According to this, we'll catch up with the hyperphysics field just as it hits the old House of Cards Bridge."

Candace said, "The House of Cards Bridge?"

"They call it that because it seems physically impossible for it to stay up, but it does," said Phineas.

"Oh-oh," said Candace. "Hyperphysics will take the bridge out."

"Not if we beat it there," said Phineas. "And if we don't, we can jump the gorge. Remember that movie where they had to keep the bus going at 50 miles per hour or it would explode? There was gap in the road they had to jump, and they just revved up and made it."

"I don't think that works under the laws of physics," said Candace.

"We have to try, to save the world," said Phineas.

"Or else I'll be stuck wearing a neck brace the rest of my life," said Candace. "Jeremy will stop liking me... okay, I'm going for it."

* * *

><p>Dr. Doofenshmirtz crammed all the wigs into the bucket of his catapult, and stood on top of them, packing them down.<p>

"Now you will see my triumph, Perry the Platypus," he said.

He looked back toward the cage. The wire mesh was broken and Agent P was gone.

"Where did you go? Oh, there you are," said Doofenshmirtz, spotting Perry by the catapult's controls.

Perry threw himself against the lever that fired the catapult, and just managed to make it work.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" yelled Doofenshmirtz as he and the wigs were thrown high into the air.

Perry headed for the green self-destruct button of the mind-control machine. He wasn't worried about Dr. Doofenshmirtz. He always landed safely, didn't he?

* * *

><p>They were on the bridge, and it was starting to shake and slip.<p>

"Faster, Candace!" Phineas called. "We're up to the wave. We just have to pass it."

"We're not going to make it!" Candace yelled.

The bridge began to fall apart out from under them. Ferb placed the black box with the red button on his gloved pole and held it out the car window as far forward as he could. Phineas saw what he was doing, moved to Ferb's side, and used his own gloved pole to reach out and push the button just ahead of the field.

The hyperphysics field shut off, and reverse entropy took over again. The bridge sagged for a moment and then snapped up to its original position, stronger than ever.

* * *

><p>A curly-haired woman said to her short husband, "I can't believe you sold your business and bought a wig store, and you didn't remember to buy any wigs. What did you think, that wigs were just going to fall out of the sky?"<p>

They both looked up at the sky. Nothing happened.

"Say it again," the man suggested.

"What did you think, that wigs were just going to fall out of the sky?" she asked again.

Still nothing happened.

"I think we're in trouble, dear. I've been counting on that trick in my business plan," the man said.

At this moment, the hyperphysics field shut off. Doofenshmirtz and the scattered wigs were heading toward the ground fast about a mile away. A gust of wind scooped them up, gathered the wigs together, and dropped them much more softly on top of the curly-haired woman and her husband. Doofenshmirtz landed safely on top of the wigs, then rolled off and into a mud puddle.

"A comeuppance, but not a fatal one," he said. "Things are back to normal at last."

* * *

><p>After they arrived home in the car, Candace told her brothers, "That was the worst, most stupid, most dangerous stunt you've ever pulled. I'm telling Mom."<p>

Phineas said eagerly, "Let's tell her about how you saved the world, by driving over that collapsing bridge and getting us into place to push the button."

Candace sagged. "I get it. She won't believe me about the physics and I'll just get myself in trouble for reckless driving if I tell. You win again."

Phineas said, "I have to admit it wasn't the best of our big ideas. But what an adventure!"

Ferb said, "Tomorrow we could try making the world more toony."

Candace put her head in her hands again, this time out of frustration.

Perry arrived and chittered to them.

"Oh, there you are, Perry," said Phineas.

**The End**


End file.
